


Strength

by Bard_the_Bowman



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt Remus Lupin, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Remus, Marauders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 14:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7271530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bard_the_Bowman/pseuds/Bard_the_Bowman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus' friends keep him strong</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strength

Remus was strong.

After everything he had suffered through he had accumulated such a self hatred that whispered horrible things into his ears, but he didn't let it control him. Yes, it affected him, but it didn't define who he was, because Remus knew he had friends who loved him, despite the fact he was a werewolf. 

Remus' friends all knew that sometimes he needed a hand to pull himself up, or some help with clearing his head, or reassurance that the demons in his head were telling lies- they could be very convincing sometimes. So his friends all did what they could when they could, and Remus began to get better. 

James helped to fight Remus' thoughts. It was clear he didn't fully understand it, but he did his best.  
A joke upon seeing his friend's face fall, sometimes thought of so quickly it made no sense, but Remus smiled anyway- "Hey Moony, your shirt is looking very potato today."  
"What?"  
"Crisp? Cos it's sharply ironed and crisps are made of potatoes? So it's potato!"  
"That doesn't-"  
"Your shirt is potato."  
"Okay."  
James would also draw little doodles of the marauders, or Remus' favourite characters from his favourite muggle books, like the Hobbit and Lord of the Rings (which Remus had practically forced James to read after he had said that muggle portrayals of wizards were stupid) and pin them up around their room. Remus always smiled upon seeing a new doodle, whatever it was.

Peter tried to help too. Remus loved Peter, even if he wasn't the kindest towards him sometimes, but Peter's cheerful attitude radiated outwards and Remus couldn't help but be affected by it, even if it was only a tiny bit. Peter always knew when Remus wasn't feeling very well or if something was wrong, and he had developed a knack for asking after his friend at the right time. Even if Remus didn't admit it, Peter had perfected the art of the swift subject change, and whisked away the conversation to a completely unrelated topic.  
Another thing about Peter was the cheerful or catchy songs he would sing. These would work their way into Remus' head, replacing the abuse of his own thoughts with an annoying little tune that kept on ricocheting in his ears. Remus hated this, but it did provide some relief.

Sirius always helped the most. He suffered from similar thoughts, whether from his own mind or put there by his awful mother. Remus hated Sirius' mother. Nobody could treat Sirius like that. Sirius had had to convince him not to somehow escape from Hogwarts and go to confront her multiple times. God, how Remus wanted to tear her throat out.  
"She's not worth it." Sirius had told him. "You're better than her. You know hurting her would get you in trouble and then she would have won after all."  
Sirius always gave the best advice. Remus always listened intently, even if he did try and find flaws. With Sirius, Remus felt able to open up. He could tell him anything and everything, and Sirius would always find a way to make him feel better about himself. 

I'm dangerous.  
"Remus, you're the most gentle guy in the whole school. You wouldn't hurt a fly. You are not dangerous. The wolf is dangerous, but you are not the wolf. The wolf is a whole separate thing, and anybody who doesn't think so isn't worth being around anyway."

I shouldn't be here.  
"Are you serious? No, wait, I am. Listen, if you weren't here, we would never have made it this far. You're the glue that keeps us together, Remus. You convinced us to include Peter. You help us all in every subject, and if it weren't for that I'm pretty sure we would all be failing more than one subject each. Besides, why would you be a prefect if you weren't supposed to be at Hogwarts? Dumbledore himself asked you to come, of course you're supposed to be here."

I'm not worth your time.  
"Don't you say that. Don't you EVER say that. We help you because we want to and it's not your fault, any of this. I'd much rather be with you than anywhere else, and I'm sure the others feel the same."

You should replace me.  
"Fucking hell, Remus, where am I supposed to get another werewolf as clever as you at such short notice? Besides, they wouldn't be as nice and would probably try to eat the first-years. I'll stick with you, thanks. You're the best werewolf there is anyway. I like you, why would I want to replace you?"

I'm a monster.  
"Good one, Rem. You literally cried yesterday because there was a spider on your trunk. If you were a monster you would have squashed it in front of its family and then force-fed it to its own children."

Yes, Remus was strong when his friends were by his side. With the three of them he felt like he could take on five of the whomping willow and win.

But it was summer now, and Remus did not have his friends by his side. The noise in his head was unbearable, screaming and shouting, insults bouncing around inside his skull. Remus was being deafened, though his room was silent. He was being crushed, though he sat in the corner with nothing to crush him. He was being crowded, though nobody else was currently in the house. His breathing had become rough and ragged, sucking in quick mouthfuls of air as he cupped his hands over his ears, trying to block everything out. James and Peter couldn't help now. Sirius wasn't there to sit by him. They had more important things to do than listen to him whine. Without his friends, Remus realised, this was going to be a lot harder than usual. He was alone in this. He had to do this by himself. He had to recover.

Remus was strong, but his friends were stronger. 

Remus was strong, but he wasn't strong enough.


End file.
